As many of you know (though the efforts of my "make the melon's birthday a national holiday" campaign) August is my birthday month. Yes, the whole month.
Anyhow, this year is different for me. Normally, I really don't care what numbers are on the cake. It doesn't mean much to me. It is how I feel that is far more important than some numbering system the greeks came up with.
But 36, well, gives me the chills. It was at age 36 that my Mom realized she had cancer and approx 6 months later lost her hard fought battle to the disease. Seeing it happen so fast, how you can go from planning to put your house on the market to go sailing to "they had to take the whole leg" and beyond makes me wonder and fear what if that shoe should fall on me.
Have I done enough for the kids, for Mel? Have I worked to create lasting images in their mind that they can hold onto? Have a left a mark on this mass of rock? I wonder that a lot. This blog, letters I've written to the kids and my daily actions I hope are enough.
I am told it is not inherited, that vile brand of cancer. But I believed the docs before, not now.
Age has given me the viewpoint that Mom must have had in contemplating how her role might play out. I have not had enough time with Mel, the kids or with you. As I like to think, the best is yet to come. Provided I make it past 36.
Yes it is just a number. I am going to keep telling myself that. Just a number.
Notice: TFTBM will be closed in observation of Melon's Birthday.
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