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Hate Mail!!?? The Melon's Guide on Dealing with Upsetting Emails


From time to time, I get some emails depicting me in an unfavorable light. Here is my advice:



  1. Relax. Don't take it personally, even if it is personal.
    1. Example: Dear Melon, you blog is so pointless... I am thinking, "I know you are, but what am I". See?
  2. Wait at least a day to respond. Nothing is worse than an off-the-cuff response to something that really bugs you.
    1. Example: "You think I am pointless? Well how about an email pointing out pointless things??? Can anything be more pointless than that?" AAARRGGGH! See? Nothing positive or constructive.
  3. For whatever reason, they have decided to battle me on my home turf, words. A clever turn of phrase here, a twist of logic there and whammo, you can turn it all around into something sweet and fun.
    1. Example: I can think of quick retorts verbally only after a good 2 minutes. Typing gives me that time and time to revise. Speaking doesn't. I've got tons of good comebacks from College, like: "Hey Jeff, you may cross the line first, but only because we are sitting backwards, dead weight." At the time, I think I just said, "I know you are, but what am i?"
Ideally, you'd never get hate mail (or mail that says, "I am disappointed at your...") but in this day of email is everywhere... However, please, if you have bad feelings about me, email me them. I am bad at verbal confrontations and will do much better in a written argument (unless my Dad is involved, because then I can just change it into an arguement about politics or religion).

PS. If you think this post is just about you (I get lots of hate mail); so don't sweat it.

Got a way not to get these emails besides not having an email address? Let us know in the comments!

Comments

Anonymous said…
you can always send a polite response in all caps so they think you are mad and yelling back. Take these two examples:

1. Melon, I disagree with your stance on chopping down christmas trees.

2. MELON, I DISAGREE WITH YOUR STANCE ON CHOPPING DOWN CHRISTMAS TREES.



Noj nOj noJ

P.S. Speaking of deadweight, Jeff not only crossed the line first but pulled all the deadweight in the back of the boat across the finish line.
11:35 AM
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