I always thought my Dad had it easy - two boys. When our family merged with Caryls, I watched as he struggled how to relate to a girl, a teenage one at that. When we had Reagan, I knew going in, I'd do my best to relate.
Boys are easy. They are rough, like Star Wars and as it turns out, I still am one. So I thought Ian and I would always (as much as possible anyway) see eye-to-eye. Turns out, not so much.
I have trouble teaching him. This has reared its head in lacrosse (less this year than last) and in sports where I am not his coach. Take soccer for example, I've been working with him to get a drop kick down as well as throw ins.
The trouble is, he shuts down and then wants nothing to do with me. This problem was exacerbated on Sunday for his first soccer game. I, it seems, have trouble shutting the coach off in me now.
Here's how I see it: I can help move Ian (and other kids that are lost) around, offer suggestions on who is open and where to guide a throw-in. My voice booms across the field and Ian is tuned into my frequency from lacrosse.
Here's how Ian sees it (I suspect): "Ian, you are doing it wrong."
It's become clearer to me how to motivate kids, how to get them understand the nuances of getting open, how to move in open space and how to fill their emotional tank to get them to perform. All clearer it seems, except to my boy.
I remember feeling the same way towards my Dad. I always felt like I was letting him down as he tried his best to get me fired up to score goals. I just wasn't interested. I wasn't much of baseball/soccer player when I was a kid. Sure I was there, but I wasn't interested in performing. (I really wasn't much good at sports until senior year of high school and college)
I've got a speech I give after our first lacrosse practice to parents at a mandatory meeting: Chances are your kids won't play professionally. This will not be your kids ticket to support themselves in the future. This is a game. We'll be playing it as such, and be playing it hard. Parents are expected to remember this above all else: it's just a game.
Somehow, I've got to readjust my expectations.
Ian did great for his first travel soccer game. I'm already suspicious of the coach (any coach that makes his kid captain for the first game raises a red flag for me...). I'd give Ian an A for effort and myself a F for self control. It's going to be a long season.
So the video above is from last Saturday. We were out in the sound, working on our tacks. Both kids take a much more active roll now - they handle the jib on their own while I still take the helm and Mel takes the main sail. In all, we're working together well. Getting the kids to take different roles is the next step - and we are all loving it. It was a beautiful day.
Coming tomorrow: Reagan and Me.
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