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Word to your Mother


Moms are great. Moms are grand.
If it were my job, I'd be canned.

My gift to all Moms: this swanky tattoo I got this week. Pretty cool huh? I should work out more. Hurt like a mother...

Here is my Mothers Day top five things I apologize/am grateful for Moms:

5. They have to live with Dads. Well, I guess they don't, the divorce rate is up (or so I tell everyone...). Some Moms and Moms live together and that is cool. Certainly for a Mom to be great, she does not need to be defined by a Dad, didn't mean to infer that. Let's just reduce this to Some Moms have to live with Dads, and I am sorry about that.

4. Moms actually do everything. It is a darn wonder I make it out the door with underwear on most days, much less snacks for kids, both types of juice boxes, entertainment toys, pens, gum, lip balm. I am always bumming gum off my Mom in church. I think they ought to put in a vending machine in the pews. Lord knows nothing goes with prayer like Coca-Cola...

3. When my kids are hurt, they go straight for Moms open arms. There is just something about a mothers hug to make "everything all right". That or my kids don't like me...

2. You can blurt anything out to a mom. Really, you can say anything (oh, and I have). For us Dads, you must use the right words at the right times or you are going to get a whole lot of push-back. Things like, "Mom, I am changing majors" takes less than 2 seconds to say, but when I had to explain this to my dad, I had empirical formulas, bar charts, projected earning tallies, tire tracks, blood samples...but it wasn't enough and took, well I still haven't fully explained I am not an aviation major to him yet... Moms just seem to take it as it comes.

And the number 1 thing I apologize for/am grateful for me. (you knew it was all about me anyway...). Really. I've been, lets say lucky for the time being, to have had two moms (not even counting Melissa and/or Carmen (who treats me like a son, I am like the son she never had that can throw a football - sorry Keith). And without Moms, all of them, I'd probably still be living with 2 other guys, smelly bathroom, trolling the local high school for dates, working the drive thru at McDonalds...Not that there is anything wrong with that... Moms rule. At least until Fathers Day...

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